the tao of ter

Hopefully by now everyone is enjoying their hard-earned Galleons.

So as the more skeptical of you can see, some of your neighbours have been receiving their payout. To Ye Of Little Faithe, you are fortunate that my boredom generosity still holds and I am allowing you the means to continue making the Galleons.

What I will say though is that a lot of you lack my imagination and general deviousness. You do not need to steal Greengrass's cigarettes in order to prevent her from smoking. I never at any point encouraged petty theft. But if that's the only way you can think of to stop her, you are a dull bore and deserve any consequences you get.

The list as it stands:

- 25 Galleons if you've hexed or punched Smith.
- 15 Galleons if you've snogged a Patil twin. 25 if it's Padma.
- 10 Galleons if you can get the Russian Poliakoff to smile at you.
- 20 Galleons if you can separate Zabini from his bathrobe.
- 10 40 Galleons if you make it impossible for Daphne Greengrass to smoke.
- 50 60 Galleons if you can make Jones use the word "sex" in a sentence.
- 100 Galleons if you are Eddie Carmichael and manage not to speak for twenty-four hours.
- 50 60 Galleons if you are Cho Chang, drink veritasium and then talk about your love life.
- 10 Galleons if you are Anthony Goldstein and shut up about your love life.
- 20 Galleons if you are Johnson or Fawcett and wear a nun's habit for an evening out.
- 25 50 60 70 Galleons to chop off Jordan's dreads.
- 50 Galleons to cook and eat Smith's kitten. An additional 150 Galleons if Smith's kitten is cooked and eaten by Smith.
- 10 15 Galleons if you hug that Hufflepuff - whatever his name is. The one who wrts lk ths.
- 15 Galleons if you tackle a Gryffindor.

New:

- 25 Galleons if you (temporarily) liberate Capper of one of her bras.
- 10 Galleons to alter the state of Edgecombe's hair. An addition 5 Galleons will be awarded if especially creative.
- 15 Galleons to prevent that other Hufflepuff from playing his guitar.
- 20 Galleons to race through Diagon Alley wearing nothing but a thong. If you are Smith or Jordan and do so, subtract 10 Galleons. If you are Carmichael, you owe us money.
- 60 Galleons to race through the Ministry lobby wearing nothing but the same.
- 30 Galleons to waltz into the Hog's Head and snog Aberforth.
- 10 Galleons to gag a Hufflepuff.

EVIDENCE, photographic or otherwise, is REQUIRED FOR ALL OF THE ABOVE.

( Hexed private to my glorious self )

As usual, Alicia is completely missing the point when it comes to money. We've found a buyer. The missus and the agent are negotiating to make sure that your rent isn't raised, you're not auctioned off as slaves or otherwise thrown out on your arse. Et cetera. This however operates under the premise that you have money to save in the first place. Which not all of you do.

However:

This is where, I, Terence Howell Higgs, Esq., come in. Being the currently rather bored generous and selfless soul that I am very occasionally, I am offering you a way below to make money. You receive the following:

- 25 Galleons if you've hexed or punched Smith.
- 15 Galleons if you've snogged a Patil twin. 25 if it's Padma.
- 10 Galleons if you can get the Russian Poliakoff to smile at you.
- 20 Galleons if you can separate Zabini from his bathrobe.
- 10 Galleons if you make it impossible for Daphne Greengrass to smoke.
- 50 Galleons if you can make Jones use the word "sex" in a sentence.
- 100 Galleons if you are Eddie Carmichael and manage not to speak for twenty-four hours.
- 50 Galleons if you are Cho Chang, drink veritasium and then talk about your love life.
- 10 Galleons if you are Anthony Goldstein and shut up about your love life.
- 20 Galleons if you are Johnson or Fawcett and wear a nun's habit for an evening out.
- 25 50 Galleons to chop off Jordan's dreads.
- 50 Galleons to cook and eat Smith's kitten. An additional 150 Galleons if Smith's kitten is cooked and eaten by Smith.
- 10 Galleons if you hug that Hufflepuff - whatever his name is. The one who wrts lk ths.
- 15 Galleons if you tackle a Gryffindor.

EVIDENCE, photographic or otherwise, is REQUIRED FOR ALL OF THE ABOVE.

( Hexed private to my fantastic self )

Ahoy Plebeians!

As the missus has told you, Euterpe's Corner is changing hands. Fortunately I'm paying other people to scrounge out all those annoying little details for me (which you too can do, little children, if you become rich like your Uncle Ter!) and all that is left for me to do is to scrawl my name on the dotted line, then fall into a contented sleep on top of a pile of Galleons while cradling a dragon's egg.

However:

The Future New Landlord may be allergic to one or more of the following items, which I naturally require to be removed:

- Pets. Excluding owls. Unless I get bored.
- Anything else furry. Including - no, especially - that troll fellow.
- Any untreated wood items.
- Any treated wood items.
- Sex.
- Languages other than English.
- Fun.
- Peanuts.
- Incense sticks and oil.
- Perfume.
- Plants.
- Hufflepuffs.

Everything on the list must be OUT within the next forty-eight hours. No excuses. No snivelling. Otherwise Poliakoff will be banging on your door with a torch and pitchfork.

The end.